Ladies and gentlemen ...

This is an important message from the New York City Police Department. We are aware that our trains smell like all kinds of nasty things, but PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SPRAYING YOUR CHEAP-ASS COLOGNE ON THE TRAIN. In the event that you choose to spray your nasty cologne and other passengers bludgeon you to death with canes, purses and stiletto heels, the MTA will not be held responsible. Thank you for riding New York City Transit, and have a safe day.